Jenna Meets Santa 2010

Well we took Jenna to meet Santa. We've been looking at her picture with Santa from last year to try to prep her for meeting him again. On Saturday we were at the mall trying to get some shopping done and we spent a few minutes watching the other kids sit with Santa. Luckily while we were watching all the kids that went were very happy. Jenna was nervous at first but the minute she saw Santa hand a child a candy cane she was game. I swear this kid will do anything for a candy. So anyways, the line was crazy long so we headed over to another shopping center where we had other errands. We stopped by to check out Santa and there was only one family ahead of us. Jenna did awesome! Not only did she smile, she even had some fun with Santa after her picture was taken. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to hug and kiss Santa, and actually did hug and kiss the photographer (a friend of our friend Brian). Anyways, I'm going to post the pictures, although one is a picture of a picture so if you could see it in person it does look better. But you'll get the idea.

Ummmm.....yeah...this is exactly what I love most about this kid!!

Thanksgiving 2010

We spent Thanksgiving day up in Shaver. Pat's aunt and uncle have a cabin up there and Pat's side always spends Thanksgiving up there. We alternate years with my family and his and so this year we got to join them. The day started a little rough, with Pat having a cold, but as soon as we got there, we had a blast. It was Jenna's first time in the snow and she LOVED every second of it. We ended our day back at my dad's house where we had some yummy dessert. We went home full and tired.

Pat, his mom Shelly, sister Renae, Amanda (his brother's girlfriend), his brother Tyler, and his dad Tom

Jenna being a goof in her Papa's boots.

This year we are especially thankful. Two short months ago I didn't know if we would be celebrating the holidays (at least publicly) this year. We were thinking that November and December would be full of chemo treatments and not family gatherings. As we drove home from Shaver we talked about how grateful we are. We are grateful for what we went through. As much as it scared us and stressed us out, and as much tears as we shed, we wouldn't change it for anything. We talked about how we hope we never forget all that we experienced. What we went through forever changed our marriage and gave us a new perspective on life. It's easy to slip back into my old ways and my old way of thinking, and I often have to remind myself that things could be much, much worse. We are so thankful for the wonderful support system we have. Parents, grandparents, siblings, extended family members, amazing friends, a wonderfully supportive church, a great daycare that cares so much for our sweet girl, wonderful co-workers and employers....the list could go on. They say life is full of peaks and valleys. The view from the valley can be just as spectacular as the peak. To anyone reading this Thank you from the bottom of my very grateful heart.

2 years and Yellow Day

November 24th was Jenna's 2nd birthday. How is that possible? Our baby is gone and we have this little girl now. Pat and I both worked that day so Jenna had to go to daycare. Since her birthday was on the wednesday before Thanksgiving, her class got to have a big feast. It also happened to be yellow day, which is Jenna's favorite color, so she ended up having a great day at school. We baked cupcakes (with yellow frosting) so Jenna could celebrate with her classmates. I had to get some pictures of her that morning because she was too cute in her yellow shirt and skinny jeans.

That evening, Pats parents and sister came over to celebrate with us. We had yummy food, followed by cupcakes. Jenna was so excited when we sang to her. She loved every second of the attention. She blew out her candle and signed more, so we of course re-lit the candle and sang again.

She's a sweet-aholic just like mommy and daddy!

So excited with her new book.


So, at 2 years old Jenna is:

• around 30 pounds, and 35.5 inches tall
• wearing 2T clothing
• wearing size 8 shoes
• getting thicker and longer hair, but still refusing any and all clips or bows
• skipping, jumping, dancing, and doing perfect sommersaults
• daytime potty trained, and waking up dry about 90% of the time
• still riding rear-facing in her carseat
• speaking in 3-5 word sentences, and repeating nearly everything we say (gotta watch it now)
• saying "no" and "mine" to everything, which absolutely makes me nuts!
• Surprisingly, not throwing any temper tantrums
• still using a binky in the car and when she's tired. I know, I know, it's time to ditch it
• Obsessed with Barney, Mickey, Minnie, and Elmo
• happiest when she's playing with her babydoll "Apple." She's such a good little mommy
• still definitely Daddy's girl
• such a funny, curious, joyful little girl, with two lucky parents that love her immensely.

Jenna's Birthday Dinner

We had a birthday dinner for Jenna this past Saturday night. My parents couldn't be here on her actual birthday to celebrate with us, and Pat's parents couldn't be here Saturday night, so she ended up getting two celebrations. I think she kinda liked having two nights dedicated to herself, and to eating cake and presents.

In addition to my mom, dad, and Janice, we had Nonnie and Aunt Pam (or Pom as Jenna says), and our good friends Abby and Brian. The theme for the evening was Minnie Mouse because Jenna absolutely loves Mickey and Minnie. We kept it super simple and had Mexican food (on paper Minnie plates), followed by chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream. Jenna did a great job. She was sweet and friendly, and very much enoyed being in the spotlight. She tore into her presents, and actually seemed equally excited by clothes and toys. She loved it when we all sang happy birthday and she blew out her candles like a pro (i.e. no spitting as she blew). She then played with her toys for the rest of the evening. She has been playing with them all day...I think she's pretty excited to have some new things. Here's our pictures from our very fun night.

The yummy cake

the birthday girl

The party-goers (not the best pic)

New clothes

Loving our singing!

happy girl

new table and chairs from mommy and daddy

Her new high chair for her baby

So these two pictures have nothing to do with Jenna's birthday party but I am too excited not to share. We got our tree up on black friday. Seriously, this is a first for me. Usually the tree doesn't go up until the secondish week of December. Last year, our tree went up and then we never even put any ornaments on it. This year, I am determined that I will enjoy the month of December. Most of our shopping is done, and now our house is decorated. We are all set to have a fun December.

The mantle looks prettier in real life. The lights are better in person and the other stuff seems sparklier in person than in this picture. I'm waiting for our stockings to arrive and that will be the final touch.

The BEST news!!!!

Really, in the grand scheme of life, I suppose it's dramatic to say this is the BEST news, but it's pretty awesome...we have a potty-using toddler!! Jenna has shown an interest in using the potty for the last month or so. I kind of thought it was too early but also tried to encourage her as best I could. She has very sensitive skin and breaks out super easy, and reacts to nearly all types of diapers. We use these super sensitive organic ones, which are almost twice the price of your standard pamper. Even with that she is quite prone to diaper rash, so I was super excited at the thought of soft, natural cotton underwear against her skin.

Last Wednesday (11-10) when I picked Jenna up from school, her teachers mentioned to me that they thought Jenna would do very well with potty training. She was staying dry between diaper changes and was already going on the potty. They said she had been spending the last week watching all the other kids in her class who are potty trained/training, and was wanting to sit on the potty herself. They said she might be too young, but they wanted to at least try since she seemed so excited about it. And so on Friday (11-12) we brought in lot's of pairs of training underwear and lot's of extra pants. I promised myself I wouldn't get too excited or hopeful. I called on my lunch beak to check her progress. 4 pee accidents, 0 pee successes, 2 poop successes, 0 poop accidents. hmmmm...too early to tell. When I picked her up that afternoon, they told me she still had no poop accidents, had 1 more pee accident, and 1 pee success. They encouraged me to pursue it over the weekend.

I decided to spend the entire weekend at the house. Jenna would wear panties all day, and pull-ups at nap and bedtime. Saturday morning included 3 full pee accidents, and 1 half pee accident (half in her underwear, then ran herself to the potty, and got the other half in the potty). However, she pooped like 3 times that morning in the potty. Saturday afternoon and evening included only 1 pee accident, and multiple successes. Sunday was awesome. All day and evening, Jenna only had one accident! I couldn't believe it. We were nearly constantly reminding her to tell us if she had to go and not to go in her panties. It worked.

Monday morning I dressed her in her panties and packed a ton of spare clothes and back to daycare we went. Her teachers all clapped and danced and cheered for her. When I picked her up they told me she only had one accident all day, and it was when she was outside playing. Tuesday went the same and so did Wednesday. Thursday and Friday she had NO accidents. Saturday and Sunday also were accident free. We are continuing with the pull-ups for bedtime and naptime, although this morning is the only morning she woke up with it being a bit wet. Her teachers said that it is always dry after her naps too. We are so excited for our big girl, we just can't believe it. The funniest thing is tonight, the 3 of us were in our room putting laundry away, and after a few minutes Jenna disappeared. We heard her fumbling around a few minutes later and found her in her bathroom, in the dark, going potty. Apparently she didn't feel the need to ask for our help.

brown day

On November 1st, Jenna got to move up to the next class at her daycare. She is now in Room 2 which is for 2-3 year olds. She has been adjusting really well and I think she is having a blast in this older class. On the first day we were given a calendar of events which explained what they would be focusing on each day. Since it's November, most of the activities are centered around Thanksgiving, which I think is awesome. Each month they also focus on two colors and this month the colors are brown and yellow. So today was brown day, and they asked that all the kids wear something brown. Looking through Jenna's closet, I couldn't really find anything with any significant amount of brown. So I went over to Old Navy yesterday and grabbed this little brown ruffle shirt for $6. I was super excited this morning because as I was in my own closet getting dressed, I told Jenna that we had to go get her dressed but that she had to wear brown. She disappeared into her closet and returned with the brown shirt. Possibly a coincidence, but I'm thinking she has learned the color brown. Anyways, I gave her the option of jeans or a jean skirt, and she quite happily chose the skirt. I then gave her the option of tights or leggings, and she was so excited to choose tights. We paired it with her super cute brown boots, and I think we had a cute little outfit. Of course, I made her take a few pictures.
The lighting is weird but her tights are pink, brown, orange, and cream stripes. Honestly, when else can you get away with horizontal stripes on your legs??

Total cheesy, fake smile.

I didn't tell her to put her hands in her pockets, but I thought it was super cute when she did.

The complete outfit.

the surgery

Pat's surgery was scheduled for Friday September 3rd super early in the morning. They called us Thursday night and changed the arrival time to 10 am. This made it really nice for us because we were able to spend some time with Jenna and take her to daycare before the hospital. Pat especially appreciated this as he knew it would be many weeks before he could hold her again.

We checked in and they got Pat all prepped, poor guy got poked 3 times before his IV finally worked. Once he was ready, they allowed his parents, Tom and Shelly, and my mom to come back. The whole group was a bundle of nerves. They moved us to another holding area and on our way over we ran into Nonnie. We came to a point on our walk through the hospital that we had to split up. They couldn't allow the whole group back and so my family and Pat's had to head to the waiting room. It was an emotional 'see you later' that was said. I bit my lip and willed myself to keep it together. Pat didn't need me to be a wreck. Once we were in the holding area, the anesthesiologist and the surgeon came by. Once again, seeing and talking with Dr. Cunningham helped ease my fears. Within 5 minutes they came to get Pat and so it was time for me to leave. I really don't remember what we said to each other...just that it was overwhelmingly difficult to walk away as they wheeled my husband back to surgery. As soon as I rounded the corner the tears started flowing.

Surgery was supposed to take about two hours. They gave us a number and in the waiting room was a large TV screen that listed all the patient numbers and their status. It reminded me of an airport where you check the screen for your flight information. So we sat and stared at the screen. Shelly and my mom carried on conversation, nonnie chimed in occasionally, and Tom read the paper. Our close friend Abby arrived shortly after and sat with us. Shelly's sister came and sat as well. My friend Erica stopped by with a jamba juice that I couldn't drink. And then our close friend Brian arrived. The group of us sat and waited. Brian, Abby and my mom talked and laughed, and eventually got me to relax and join their conversation. About 2 hours later, Dr Cunningham appeared in the doorway and motioned for me to join him in the hall.

He told me that the spleen was in fact, huge but that surgery went well. I pressed for more at which point he politely cut me off and gently reminded me what I already knew. We would have to wait for the pathology results which wouldn't be ready until Monday at the earliest. He also informed that a portion of Pat's spleen was being sent out for special studies. Pat had to stay in recovery for about 90 minutes and then a room would be available. Pat's parents left to take care of a few things and my Nonnie left. Abby, Brian, and my mom stayed with me until I could see Pat, which I was so grateful for. The three of them take me as I am. They know my impatience, they accept my moods, and they knew exactly what I needed at every moment throughout this whole experience.

Halloween 2010, part 2

Finally, here are a few photos from Halloween. Honestly, Halloween is not my favorite. I'm so not into it, and I spent a lot of time feeling guilty about it but I think I'm over it. Pat's not really so into it either. We talked about it and figure it might change as Jenna (and any other children we may have) get older and are more into it. But this year, she really couldn't care less. We got some pictures of her scooping out her pumpkin and I'm glad we took a bunch of pictures at the beginning because she was interested for about 4 minutes. Anyways, we will see what the future holds, but for now, I'm way more excited now that we have Thanksgiving and Christmas coming soon!

Scooping out the insides....in jammies no less.

Digging deep
Not the best picture, but at least I'm in it!

Daddy and his mini me

All ready to go trick or treating

Jumping up and down

No idea what was so funny, but this picture makes me laugh

So here is Jenna's treat bag for this year. I only had a few breakdowns while putting it together. A few choice words, many trips to Michaels, and a broken sewing machine needle later...

The top picture is the front of the bag and the bottom picture is the back.

I'm thinking I will be ordering from Etsy next year...we will see.

Halloween 2010

We are so fortunate to have a wonderful photographer, Cori derksenphotography.com who offered to do free Halloween mini-shoots. She did short little photo shoots all day last Friday for all her regular clients for no charge and released the rights to the photos. She had yummy treats for the kids and the adults, and it was a fun way to start celebrating Halloween. Jenna started out a little shy but as soon as Cori pulled out the candy, she was all smiles. I can't believe how old she looks. Our baby doesn't look much like a baby anymore.

the wait

Pat's surgery was scheduled for Friday September 3rd. It seriously took forever to get to that day. We were so ready to get it over with and get moving on a treatment plan. We had accepted that it was very likely going to be lymphoma and we were ready to start treating it. I had a few good long cries and then I sucked it up and decided I better start thinking positive. I'm not sure if Pat did the same or if he was just positive the entire time. We had some amazing conversations late at night while laying in bed. We had wonderful moments spent together in prayer. I felt us growing closer, and I knew whatever happened our marriage would be stronger. It was one of the defining moments in our marriage.

We had to line a few things up in preparation. The most important of those being sperm banking. We knew that chemo would pretty much render Pat sterile and so we got everything in order to bank sperm for our future. These were calls I never expected to be making. Pat was very good natured about the whole thing and managed to crack quite a few jokes even whilst standing in the fertility clinic waiting room.

One of the other things that seemed really important at the time was getting a spare room all set up. I was nervous that we would be spending a lot of time away from home and that when we were home we were going to need extra help with Jenna. I wanted a comfortable place for our parents to stay. We had an extra bedroom that we affectionately referred to as the hoarder room. Truly, that's exactly what the room looked like. We always kept the door shut and it was essentially full of all kinds of things that we didn't know what to do with. I re-organized all of it and either sold it, donated it, or put it in plastic bins, which now reside in the garage. We decided that this bedroom would eventually become Jenna's bedroom and so we painted it pink and bought a full size bed. Once the room was organized and all set up, I felt better.

We spent as much time with Jenna as possible. We went to the park and the zoo, and stopped enforcing such things as bedtime. We spent a lot of time with our family and close friends. I was very concerned about the fact that if Pat was going to go through chemo his immune system would be so weak and unable to handle visitors. I wanted him to enjoy the people he loved as much as possible. We ate yummy meals and didn't skip out on dessert.

As dramatic as it sounds, the way we both viewed our lives changed so much during this time. We said things like, when this is all over, we are going to... We realized that waiting for the perfect time to do things like take a family vacation, or expand our little family, was a luxury we shouldn't take for granted. It's so cliche to say things like life is short, or you never know when your time is up. Logically I know those statements are true but honestly I still make all these elaborate plans for the future. All the sudden, I was faced with the fact that the future didn't look at all like I had planned.

The Patch

This Saturday we took Jenna to the pumpkin patch. It is a really fun set up with rides, vendors, entertainment, a haunted house, and of course, pumpkins. We went last year and had a blast and this year the owner expanded his space to include even more attractions. This past Saturday was a special day at the patch where the owner was donating 100% of the proceeds to our local Ronald McDonald House. For 10 dollars, Jenna got unlimited access to the rides. We went down this giant slide quite a few times, and had she had it her way, it would have been many more times. It was 90 degrees on Saturday so I didn't dress her in her long sleeve pumpkin shirt but oh well. It was a really fun day for us.

Daddy and Jenna on the little train

Family self-portrait on the spinning strawberry ride

Jenna's first roller-coaster. Seriously tiny little cars. No way anyone taller than me could squeeze their legs into that thing. Seriously.

One of those tilt-a-whirl rides. It went forward and backward. For a few seconds I considered that maybe Jenna wasn't ready for this, but she laughed the entire time.

Sweet little face on the lookout for the perfect pumpkin.

She found it!!

What a cheese this little girl is. I love her squinchy, cheesy grins!

Dr. Cunningham and trust

So the day comes for us to go to the surgeon. We had already been told that we would wait a long time because we were squeezed in on his schedule. We waited 2 plus hours, which I was surprisingly okay with. I kept telling myself it was going to be worth it. Boy was it ever.

Dr Cunningham walked in, shook each of our hands as he introduced himself, and then sat down and read Pat's chart. Seriously, we sat in silence as he read through everything, and thumbed through all the papers. Pat and I kept looking at each other because it was kind of a long, awkward silence. Finally, he peered over his glasses at Pat and said, "so basically you had some weird blood levels, your doctor sent you to an oncologist who found out you have a large spleen, and now you're here to talk to me about removing it." Ummm....yep that pretty much sums it up. He looked older than I remember him. His hair, once salt and pepper, is now white, and there's much less of it. Still seemed pretty mellow.

He then proceeded to read each of the reports out loud to us, explaining each as he went. He started with labs and told us how Pat's red and white cells, as well as platelets were remarkably low. Yep, knew about that. Then he started reading the CT scan, "spleen remarkably enlarged, with multiple lesions throughout." Wait...what??? I quickly cut in and ask him to repeat what he just said. He does and then looks at me waiting for a response. I tell him no one has told us about lesions. He nonchalantly says, "oh. Well I'll keep reading then." He then mentions that there are 2 enlarged lymph nodes near the spleen and two enlarged lymph nodes lower in Pat's abdominal cavity. He pauses and looks at me and I tell him how that is also new information to us. He then moves on to the the PET scan and tells us how the spleen reacted as well as the four lymph nodes. We sit quietly. Dr Cunningham closes the chart and turns his chair to face us.

He explains that all the information we need to get a true diagnosis is in the spleen. He explains that he feels that the spleen needs to come out. Pat asks if they could just biopsy it. The doctor says well we could but I think it really needs to be removed. Based on the scans it seems very diseased and should be removed. He explains that he will remove it through 4 incisions and that Pat will have to stay in the hospital for 1-2 nights. I ask about the lymph nodes and he tells me that the only way to get to them is by cutting Pat completely open and removing most of his organs, and that it isn't worth the risk when the spleen will have all the answers we need. He then asks if we have any questions. So I go for it again. I ask him based on all the reports he just read, does he think it is lymphoma. I totally expect the same dancing around the topic answer that I got from the oncologist. So I'm totally shocked when he instead says "yeah, most likely."

Wow. I thank him for his honesty, and then apologize for being so pushy and direct. He gives me a wry smile, and dismisses the idea completely. He then looks at us and explains that a doctor-patient relationship depends completely on trust. If we don't trust him it's never going to work. Therefore, he has to do his part to make sure we can always trust him and that starts with him being as open and honest as possible. He tells us he won't ever hide the truth even if the truth sucks. I am all at once completely at ease with this man operating on mine.

He then goes on to explain that surgery will be scheduled 3 weeks out. 3 weeks!!!?? Before I could protest, he quickly explained that while you don't need your spleen to live, not having one leaves a person susceptible to 3 main illnesses. Pneumonia, haemophilus influenza, and meningitis, and as such, it would be best to immunize Pat against these 3 diseases prior to surgery. He tells us that the body then needs about 3 weeks to build up the antibodies and then we are good to go. It is best to give the immunizations while the spleen is still in the body and the immune system is intact. He assures us that even in the case of cancer, 3 weeks will not matter, and the risk of him contracting a bad case of pneumonia in this valley is high. I unhappily agree with the plan and so surgery is scheduled for September 3rd.

Pat's 30th

So it took 10 days to see the surgeon. We were seeing Dr Cunningham who I sort of remembered from my first nursing job at the hospital. I remembered that he was nice and mellow and always treated the nurses kindly (hugely important in my eyes). I told my boss, Dr D, who we were seeing, and his response, "he's the best...the only one I'd want cutting on me," made me feel relieved, and much less irritated about waiting 10 days to see him. Somewhere in the middle of these 10 days was Pat's 30th birthday. It was really hard for me to have all of this over shadowing his day. 30 is a big deal and Pat is such a treasure and I just wanted his birthday to be free of worry.

Before any of this started, I had considered having a party for him. I had planned on including all our friends, and then Pat's mom mentioned including some family as well and offered her home and backyard for the party. Once all of this started, Pat said he preferred to spend the day with just close family and friends, and no party. And so we spent some time with his parents and sister and some time with my parents over the weekend. On his actual birthday I decided to make some of his favorite foods and invited our bestfriends Abby and Brian over. I took the afternoon off to prepare. We had a wonderful dinner and I even made his very favorite chocolate cake with home made vanilla ice cream. So very Martha of me. When I look at the pictures from this night, all I can see is how pale and tired Pat looks. He doesn't look like his usual self to me.

The following weekend we went out with our whole group and celebrated Pat and Abby's birthday (they are 4 days apart). We had Abby and Brian fill everyone in before we arrived just so it wouldn't be weird if we had to leave early. Our friends were nervous but hopeful and provided a good distraction for us that night. Right during the middle of dinner but broke a fever and had to leave the table for a short bit, and I was happy everyone already knew and didn't have to ask a bunch of questions. A few days later, Abby posted her pictures and I was again focused on how Pat just didn't look like himself.

During this time Pat was taking naps everyday. He was going to bed early. He was still experiencing the night sweats and random fevers. I was preparing myself for the news that he was sick and trying to think of how we were going to handle the months of chemo that were coming. I was also trying to enjoy every single second with him that I could before we faced that. Being away from him was agony. It was all I could do to go to work every day. Other than work, I didn't want to spend one minute away from him. Not that I was convinced he was going to die, because honestly, I never considered that. I just knew that chemo was going to be incredibly difficult, and I wanted to have as much fun with him as I could before that started.