the wait

Pat's surgery was scheduled for Friday September 3rd. It seriously took forever to get to that day. We were so ready to get it over with and get moving on a treatment plan. We had accepted that it was very likely going to be lymphoma and we were ready to start treating it. I had a few good long cries and then I sucked it up and decided I better start thinking positive. I'm not sure if Pat did the same or if he was just positive the entire time. We had some amazing conversations late at night while laying in bed. We had wonderful moments spent together in prayer. I felt us growing closer, and I knew whatever happened our marriage would be stronger. It was one of the defining moments in our marriage.

We had to line a few things up in preparation. The most important of those being sperm banking. We knew that chemo would pretty much render Pat sterile and so we got everything in order to bank sperm for our future. These were calls I never expected to be making. Pat was very good natured about the whole thing and managed to crack quite a few jokes even whilst standing in the fertility clinic waiting room.

One of the other things that seemed really important at the time was getting a spare room all set up. I was nervous that we would be spending a lot of time away from home and that when we were home we were going to need extra help with Jenna. I wanted a comfortable place for our parents to stay. We had an extra bedroom that we affectionately referred to as the hoarder room. Truly, that's exactly what the room looked like. We always kept the door shut and it was essentially full of all kinds of things that we didn't know what to do with. I re-organized all of it and either sold it, donated it, or put it in plastic bins, which now reside in the garage. We decided that this bedroom would eventually become Jenna's bedroom and so we painted it pink and bought a full size bed. Once the room was organized and all set up, I felt better.

We spent as much time with Jenna as possible. We went to the park and the zoo, and stopped enforcing such things as bedtime. We spent a lot of time with our family and close friends. I was very concerned about the fact that if Pat was going to go through chemo his immune system would be so weak and unable to handle visitors. I wanted him to enjoy the people he loved as much as possible. We ate yummy meals and didn't skip out on dessert.

As dramatic as it sounds, the way we both viewed our lives changed so much during this time. We said things like, when this is all over, we are going to... We realized that waiting for the perfect time to do things like take a family vacation, or expand our little family, was a luxury we shouldn't take for granted. It's so cliche to say things like life is short, or you never know when your time is up. Logically I know those statements are true but honestly I still make all these elaborate plans for the future. All the sudden, I was faced with the fact that the future didn't look at all like I had planned.